Note to Mr. Michael Jackson:
Mike,
Noticed that the jury is about to come in on the 11 counts stemming from your most recent legal problems. I know that it is a little late in the game to give advice to you on this case, but you and I both know that there will likely be more. So let me help you out with a few things.
1. Show up dressed like a man. I know that you are a famous celebrity, but the vest thing has not been in vogue for a long time. The arm band? It just isn't working. And, we all know that there are times when we feel a little under the weather and need to be rushed to the hospital the morning of a major court case. So, prepare for those moments by having your valet or butler lay out the appropriate clothes the night before so that when you are rushing to the court house you can be changing in the back seat instead of showing up in your PJs. Since part of the case revolved around your behavior wearing those PJs it might have given the jury something to think about by actually seeing you in them.
2. Get a hair cut. Since part of this case revolves around your strange behavior it might be a good idea to thrown everyone off by actually getting a hair cut like a real man. Take the lead from other leading black celebrities like Wesley Snipes, Michael Jordan, Eminem - shave your head. The Liz Taylor look was funny when you first did it, but it is getting old.
3. Look like a man. That picture on CNN, the very hour that you are going to receive your verdict on this trial has you with lipstick on. The only time that a man should have lipstick on is when you have been making out with a great looking babe. (By the way, what were you thinking with Debbie Rowe, you could have done better). Since you battle stereotypes based on your masculinity (or lack thereof) you could benefit greatly from ditching the makeup. Hey, let your beard grow for a day or two as well, prove to the world the rumors of your getting your beard lasered off were just false. You could use a little help in the manhood department.
4. Talk like a man. My 9 year old son has a deeper voice than yours. Go smoke a pack of Camels (filterless) and then do your press conference.
5. Finally, Never, ever, ever, say the following in an interview with a camera running "Sure I sleep with boys, I don't see anything wrong with that." Dude, that one is always going to bite you.
Good luck on the next time around. By the way, I think that the orange jump suit looks great on you.
Mike,
Noticed that the jury is about to come in on the 11 counts stemming from your most recent legal problems. I know that it is a little late in the game to give advice to you on this case, but you and I both know that there will likely be more. So let me help you out with a few things.
1. Show up dressed like a man. I know that you are a famous celebrity, but the vest thing has not been in vogue for a long time. The arm band? It just isn't working. And, we all know that there are times when we feel a little under the weather and need to be rushed to the hospital the morning of a major court case. So, prepare for those moments by having your valet or butler lay out the appropriate clothes the night before so that when you are rushing to the court house you can be changing in the back seat instead of showing up in your PJs. Since part of the case revolved around your behavior wearing those PJs it might have given the jury something to think about by actually seeing you in them.
2. Get a hair cut. Since part of this case revolves around your strange behavior it might be a good idea to thrown everyone off by actually getting a hair cut like a real man. Take the lead from other leading black celebrities like Wesley Snipes, Michael Jordan, Eminem - shave your head. The Liz Taylor look was funny when you first did it, but it is getting old.
3. Look like a man. That picture on CNN, the very hour that you are going to receive your verdict on this trial has you with lipstick on. The only time that a man should have lipstick on is when you have been making out with a great looking babe. (By the way, what were you thinking with Debbie Rowe, you could have done better). Since you battle stereotypes based on your masculinity (or lack thereof) you could benefit greatly from ditching the makeup. Hey, let your beard grow for a day or two as well, prove to the world the rumors of your getting your beard lasered off were just false. You could use a little help in the manhood department.
4. Talk like a man. My 9 year old son has a deeper voice than yours. Go smoke a pack of Camels (filterless) and then do your press conference.
5. Finally, Never, ever, ever, say the following in an interview with a camera running "Sure I sleep with boys, I don't see anything wrong with that." Dude, that one is always going to bite you.
Good luck on the next time around. By the way, I think that the orange jump suit looks great on you.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home