2006 Winter Olympics: If ever I was going to become addicted to watching TV, this is where I would overdose. I love the Olympics. Some of the sports make absolutely no sense to me but I can't help but watching.

• Biathlon: Who came up with this one? "Let's go skiing for a half a mile and then shoot at little targets 50 yards away, then ski some more." One of the things that I love is that in the spirit of international good will we let a bunch of men play with loaded guns.
• Curling: Now I know that a lot of people love to make fun of this sport, but if I lived where it were cold I would really be into this one. It has a lot of the feel of shuffleboard, except the pucks are these huge stones. I watched a little of the women's curling yesterday and while the USA absolutely stinks, it still looked a lot of fun.
• Luge/Skelton: Totally insane! I would do this in a heart beat if I could. Here is how this one works. Put on some tights that reveal every bulge in your body, slap on a helmet and lay on a tiny sled just big enough to hold almost all of you (your legs dont' make it). Now you shoot down an iced tube with lots of turns. Luge you lay on your back, Skelton is face down.
• Ski Jumping: There is nothing that you could threaten me with to make me do this. These guys seem to hang in the air for minutes as they sail miles and miles down a mountain side.

Now to make things a little more interesting I would combine some of the sports. For instance, in hockey when some one goes for the shot some of the biathlon members could try to shoot the puck with their rifles. Here are some more ideas:

• Hockey: Make them all wear the skin tights that the guys in the luge wear. Forget those sissy helmets too.
• Speed Skating: Allow the participants to check each other into the wall like in hockey.
• Luge: Forget the sled.

Now for some new sports to help bring some new excitement to the games:

• Downhill skating: Use the bobsled course but the skaters have to stay on their feet.
• Team Biathalon: While one guy is shooting another team member can throw snow balls at the other shooters. To make things fair the skiers travel together so that if one guy is first in he probably won't have to worry about being a target.
• Ice Golf: This is played with a puck and hockey stick, but played on a frozen lake. Each player takes a shot at a whole in the ice, hundreds of yards from the tee. But, unlike golf, a shot might smack another guys puck out of the way. There are only two holes, changing back and forth.
• Ancient Biathlon: Instead of a precision rifles the skiers use a bow and arrow, and it is played at night. So, the participants have to use flaming arrows.
  
• Snow Fort War: This is not new, it is actually one of the earliest and most practiced of all the winter arts. Two teams build a fort and then lobe snow balls at each other. If there is a tie then the paintball guns come out. If there is still a tie they bring in the biathlon teams.
  

This, of course, will ensure that I am never named to the International Olympics Counsel.