New Government Outsourcing Program announced: In light of the government announcing that it will allow Al Queda sponsoring nation Saudi Arabi to be in charge of Port Authority, I have come up with some other great ways for us to trim our budgets and get some international support.

• Southern Border Security: Mexico
• Northern Border Security: Russia
• Department of Energy: Iran
• Environmental Protection Agency: BP

Any other idiotic ideas?

Revisiting an Old Lover: They say that you should never go back and visit an old lover, for a variety of reasons. When the trist is over, move on.

This week I was thrust into the face of an old lover, and I found that the love was gone. My old lover was the road. I spent 4-5 nights a week on the road in my previous career and this week I was forced to travel again. It was the first time that I have been away from my family in nearly 5 months. The trip itself was okay. I went to Columbia SC to a meeting that included some great training and I met some terrific people. But the road life itself made me realize some of the reasons that I came to so dislike it.

First, missed flights. Going in I was delayed (ice) and made my connection with seconds to spare. On the way home I decided to catch an earlier flight and got it, but then lost my drivers license and they wouldn't let me board (go figure!). After twenty minutes I found it hiding in a place I never would have thought to look, my wallet. I ran to the gate (2 minutes after boarding was to start) to find that it was delayed (fog from 10 hours previous in the day - makes sense). Now I can relax a little. Oops, forgot that since I was delayed that I would miss the connection, and I did. For some reason originating flights are always delayed but connecting flights have impeccable punctuality records. Good news is that the next flight to Nash Vegas was only about an hour later and I didn't have to wait for my original/original flight which would have brought me home at about midnight. But, that would have been too easy. As I sat in the boarding area they announced that the crew for the flight was delayed on another inbound flight (something about a sandstorm in Egypt earlier in the year, they were just backed up). I was certain that I had seen a crew sitting in one of the bars as I was walking through the terminal and thought that we might just ask them to take the shift. But, then I realized where I had seen them and thought better about having a drunken crew flying a plane that I was on. Forty-five minutes later we were getting on the plane. When we arrived at Nash Vegas there was another plane at our gate and we had to wait ten freakin minutes for them to pull out. The thing that drove me nuts about this was that there were plenty of other gates that were empty. Its like these old ladies at Wal-Mart who block the parking lot so that they can get one of the up front spaces. The store is the size of a football field, what difference does 20 feet in the parking lot make?

Second, bed time. I have been married for nearly 22 years and I am just used to sleeping with my wife. I get to the hotel and there are all these terrific shows on cable (Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, Law & Order, you get the picture) and the next thing I know its like 4am and I know my alarm is about to go off. By the end of the week I am sure that I hadn't a total of 8 hours of sleep. If we ever get satellite at home we will need to have Tivo.

Third, drunks. I happen to work with some of the worst alcoholics that I have ever encountered. These guys live for the consumption of liquor. Now I traveled with some people who like a beer (one who made his own, that’s kind of cool), and one who had a glass of wine with every meal. But these people live for it. On one night we had an evening activity planned. So, the crew went drinking before, and had lots of booze during the meal, and I am pretty sure that they went to the bar in the hotel afterwards (because it is a pattern that I have seen many times). And so, these individuals become known not for what they do for the company but by their reputation as drunks. Even other drinkers mock them behind their backs.

I have never been so anxious to come off the road. It was a long (left on Sunday) and I am weary today. Next week I have a couple of days in St. Louis and then I am off the road except for vacations. I want to make my wife a manager so that I can take her with me. I just can’t figure out how I can also make my kids a part of the team. Maybe someday.

2006 Winter Olympics: If ever I was going to become addicted to watching TV, this is where I would overdose. I love the Olympics. Some of the sports make absolutely no sense to me but I can't help but watching.

• Biathlon: Who came up with this one? "Let's go skiing for a half a mile and then shoot at little targets 50 yards away, then ski some more." One of the things that I love is that in the spirit of international good will we let a bunch of men play with loaded guns.
• Curling: Now I know that a lot of people love to make fun of this sport, but if I lived where it were cold I would really be into this one. It has a lot of the feel of shuffleboard, except the pucks are these huge stones. I watched a little of the women's curling yesterday and while the USA absolutely stinks, it still looked a lot of fun.
• Luge/Skelton: Totally insane! I would do this in a heart beat if I could. Here is how this one works. Put on some tights that reveal every bulge in your body, slap on a helmet and lay on a tiny sled just big enough to hold almost all of you (your legs dont' make it). Now you shoot down an iced tube with lots of turns. Luge you lay on your back, Skelton is face down.
• Ski Jumping: There is nothing that you could threaten me with to make me do this. These guys seem to hang in the air for minutes as they sail miles and miles down a mountain side.

Now to make things a little more interesting I would combine some of the sports. For instance, in hockey when some one goes for the shot some of the biathlon members could try to shoot the puck with their rifles. Here are some more ideas:

• Hockey: Make them all wear the skin tights that the guys in the luge wear. Forget those sissy helmets too.
• Speed Skating: Allow the participants to check each other into the wall like in hockey.
• Luge: Forget the sled.

Now for some new sports to help bring some new excitement to the games:

• Downhill skating: Use the bobsled course but the skaters have to stay on their feet.
• Team Biathalon: While one guy is shooting another team member can throw snow balls at the other shooters. To make things fair the skiers travel together so that if one guy is first in he probably won't have to worry about being a target.
• Ice Golf: This is played with a puck and hockey stick, but played on a frozen lake. Each player takes a shot at a whole in the ice, hundreds of yards from the tee. But, unlike golf, a shot might smack another guys puck out of the way. There are only two holes, changing back and forth.
• Ancient Biathlon: Instead of a precision rifles the skiers use a bow and arrow, and it is played at night. So, the participants have to use flaming arrows.
  
• Snow Fort War: This is not new, it is actually one of the earliest and most practiced of all the winter arts. Two teams build a fort and then lobe snow balls at each other. If there is a tie then the paintball guns come out. If there is still a tie they bring in the biathlon teams.
  

This, of course, will ensure that I am never named to the International Olympics Counsel.

Goodbye Moblog: For some time I have kept the link to my mobile blog at Buzznet. While the community is cool, I never really spent much time there and it is time to shutter the link. I no longer carry a mobile phone with camera so it really doesn't make sense. Right now it is all I can do to keep up my regular photo blog!

The Responsibility of the Government: There are few things that I disagree with our government about, at least the current administration. I think that we are making some great strides towards getting the right judges on the bench, and removing some of the idiots that try to make law instead of interpreting it. I think that our position on the war is correct. I don't necessarily agree with the current environmental policy, but I am not out campaigning against it either. I think that Dick Cheney is on the right track in shooting lawyers.

But, one area that I can't help but express my disappointment is in our handling of the whole Hurricane Katrina disaster. It seems to me that after defending our country against enemies, the response to disasters should be right up there on the top of the list. I am not saying that they should be handing money to everyone who was affected, but they certainly should have well thought out plans on how to manage such a crisis. This is what made things go so smoothly in New York after 9/11. Mayor Rudy Giuliani had a plan in place, and teams that were well practiced for a variety of scenarios. When the planes started falling he simply went through the motions of plans that had been decided a long time before. I am not saying that he didn't have to scramble and make a lot of difficult decisions, but be had plans in place so that the decision making process was easier. One of those decisions was to have the heads of each department with him at almost every minute for the days that followed. When decisions had to be made they were made immediately by just walking over and asking the department head to execute the plan. From my reading in Leadership by Rudy Giuliani they practically lived together for days until things started to settle down.

It just begs the question, why wouldn't Mayor Naygan of New Orleans do the same? I would think that if I were the mayor of a city that was below sea level, was a feature of National Geographic for the problems that were inevitable, I would develop a plan. I would have had the heads of departments running mass evacuation drills. If I were the governor of Louisiana I would have plans in place to help the displaced residents. That might mean putting them in other areas of Louisiana or making arrangements ahead of time to put the whole population if necessary in other states. But the blame doesn't stop there. President Bush really disappointed me in this whole mess. It would have been a particularly terrific time for his leadership to shine, but it didn't. The White House says that it couldn't act until it was asked. It says that it was really there to act at the will of the Governor of Louisiana. In the absence of any obvious plans, it should have developed plans on its own and just taken charge. That is what true leadership does in a time of crisis.

I would love to ask the President what are his specific plans if California gets hit by a 10.o earth quake - The Big One that we have been hearing for years is inevitable for the land of fruits and nuts. Now that we have "learned out lessons" on Katrina, what are we doing for the next disaster. What do you do when a bigger storm surges into New Orleans, as most meteorological folks tend to seem to think will happen. What would you do if a nuclear device is detonated in Chicago?

Let me give you my two cents worth, a plan that makes as much sense as anything else that I have read. The United States government owns a lot of land. Much of it is unused for one reason or another. A base that is closed, a large swath of land that is kept for future use, etc. Lets hire some contractors to lay out roads and plots of land for future use. Let's set up the water and sewer systems, lay the electrical lines and get it ready. Then let's let some of our people maintain the land until it is needed. Then when we have to quickly evacuate a few million people they can relocated to these places. When Fleetwood and Champion begin to deliver the trailers by the dozens every hour, they will have a place to go. As these people get their insurance checks they can decide to relocate or put a permanent home on these sites. This would not cost much in the way of preparation (about the cost of a couple of Blackhawk’s) and would be something proactive. In fact, if I were the mayor of a city (like Anaheim) I would have a remote location already in place. When disaster hits the new location would go active. The zip code and area code would shift to the new location. Sounds rather radical, but that is what leadership is.

If Money is No Object: Have you ever thought about what purchases that you would make if money were no object and you didn't really care what people thought? I have. Recently a friend called me and asked me if I had purchased my new Mercedes S500 and Rolex? Odd question and I asked why. He explained that it was what all the managers in my position do. Well, the S500 is an incredible ride, and I certainly wouldn't mind having one, but the Rolex is a different matter all together.

To me a watch needs one basic feature - keep time. Other than that everything else is icing on the cake. My last watch had a stop watch function that I used a few times, an alarm clock that was nice when I traveled, and a couple of other features. When the band broke I was told that it couldn't be replaced and that I had to get a whole new watch. Hey, $40 is a lot when you are struggling with a new business. So I have been without a watch for about 6 months.

I have looked at the Rolex, as well as a couple of dozen really popular status watches. Then the other day I was with a manager and noticed his Rolex. The thought kept going through my mind that the Rolex is the most copied watch on the blackmarket. Whole web sites have been setup to sell these really good fakes. In fact, some of the fakes are going for over $400. Seems like a lot for a fake, but when the original is $16,000 I guess it isn't that bad. But then I look at this guy and wonder if it is real or fake. Then another thought crosses my mind, if it is real I have no respect for a guy who spends that kind of money on a watch. If it is fake it tells me that he is a pretender without any self-esteem.

So yesterday I took the plunge and bought a new watch. It was on sale for $30 at Wal-Mart and suits me just fine, thank you. Since it is only $30 to start with I don't think that there will be a lot of guys out there trying to market an imitation. The label is just swell - "Casio", a high brand by Japanese standards I am sure. It has these three little dials that show me the date, day, and 24 hour time, but my eyes are too old to focus on that stuff anyway. I usually know what day of the week it is and I don't know anyone in the past few years who has actually said "Hey, lets meet up for some coffee at 1630 hours". Even if that happened I am smart enough to do the math and know that its 4:30om.

Now for those of you that have fancy watches -more power to you. I know that Mike has a diver watch just in case the Suburban takes a plunge off the bridge in Tampa and while he is struggling for his life he can know what time it is. If I know Nick he is wearing something with Harley logo on it, of a company watch (sad!). My dad, he is practical, probably something like mine. So don't gang up on me if you are wearing a fancy watch, just know that if its a Rolex more people probably think that its fake than those who think its real.